Motivation

Look out - here comes a "talkie" blog.

Most of you know that I have been on a weight loss journey for over 2 years now. Overall, I think I've done pretty well. This post just summarizes where I am now.

When I look back at 2009, and if I had to label it as far as my weight loss goes, I think that this was the year that I fell off the wagon. In 2008 I had done so well. 2008 was the year that I hit a goal of 50 pounds lost. (That post is here) 2008 was the year that I cut my hair off (post here), something that I have not regretted for a minute (well, except for maybe a couple of times when I want to be completely lazy - I miss being able to just pull up my hair into a pony tail to run out to the grocery store). 2008 was the year that I turned 29, for the 11th time, er, I mean I turned 40. Basically, 2008 was a pretty good year. I felt like I had things under control and I was headed in the right direction.

Then came 2009.

Overall, I can't complain. I have a super good life and fantastic family and friends. But, 2009 is the year that I lost my way, when it comes to my weight loss goals.

My beloved Grandmother passed away in February of 2009. I am tearing up just writing that. I miss her so very much. But that's another storey for another post. In 2009 I almost had a nervous breakdown. Maybe that's not what it really was, but it sure felt like it. I haven't talked about it publicly on this blog, but basically my work was out of control, and I wasn't handling it well. On top of this, one of my cats was having issues that eventually resulted in me having to put him down. Things got so bad that I had a panic attack and was prescribed an anti-depressant. I took this for one week before I realized that this just wasn't for me. Luckily, things at work settled down, and although I miss my cat quite a lot, I am much less stressed because I don't have to worry about him on a daily basis.

These were just the highlights of last year, there were other things that just basically sucked that I won't go into.

So, not that these are legitimate reasons for which to blame my diet shortcomings, it's just somewhere along the way last year, I lost my way.

I turned back to food for comfort, I comforted myself in baking. Oh did I ever turn to baking. I love baking! I have got to find another outlet for that.

I'm mad, no disappointed, in myself for letting things get out of control again. I miss the feeling of being in control that I had. I miss going shopping because the clothes I had were too big! I hate that I'm now having to pull out clothes that I had set aside because they were too big for me before.

The biggest thing I lost was my motivation. I just didn't care. No, that's not true. I did care, I just didn't have the ability to follow through.

I'm trying to make a fresh start for 2010. Based just on the last two days, I'm doing quite well. I just have to find a way to bottle up my motivation and discipline to carry me through the days when I'd rather just sit around and eat candy or cookies.

I don't want to go back to where I was. I don't want to have to buy clothes in bigger sizes - sizes that I already passed on the way down.

So, since this is my blog, and it's pretty much a snapshot of what's going on in my life at this particular time, I wanted to write all of this down. It's been helpful for me to look back at my previous posts from when I was doing really well and remember with clarity what was going on then. I'm hoping that this will be a post that will help me to move forward.