Thursday, January 14, 2010


Look out - here comes a "talkie" blog.

Most of you know that I have been on a weight loss journey for over 2 years now. Overall, I think I've done pretty well. This post just summarizes where I am now.

When I look back at 2009, and if I had to label it as far as my weight loss goes, I think that this was the year that I fell off the wagon. In 2008 I had done so well. 2008 was the year that I hit a goal of 50 pounds lost. (That post is here) 2008 was the year that I cut my hair off (post here), something that I have not regretted for a minute (well, except for maybe a couple of times when I want to be completely lazy - I miss being able to just pull up my hair into a pony tail to run out to the grocery store). 2008 was the year that I turned 29, for the 11th time, er, I mean I turned 40. Basically, 2008 was a pretty good year. I felt like I had things under control and I was headed in the right direction.

Then came 2009.

Overall, I can't complain. I have a super good life and fantastic family and friends. But, 2009 is the year that I lost my way, when it comes to my weight loss goals.

My beloved Grandmother passed away in February of 2009. I am tearing up just writing that. I miss her so very much. But that's another storey for another post. In 2009 I almost had a nervous breakdown. Maybe that's not what it really was, but it sure felt like it. I haven't talked about it publicly on this blog, but basically my work was out of control, and I wasn't handling it well. On top of this, one of my cats was having issues that eventually resulted in me having to put him down. Things got so bad that I had a panic attack and was prescribed an anti-depressant. I took this for one week before I realized that this just wasn't for me. Luckily, things at work settled down, and although I miss my cat quite a lot, I am much less stressed because I don't have to worry about him on a daily basis.

These were just the highlights of last year, there were other things that just basically sucked that I won't go into.

So, not that these are legitimate reasons for which to blame my diet shortcomings, it's just somewhere along the way last year, I lost my way.

I turned back to food for comfort, I comforted myself in baking. Oh did I ever turn to baking. I love baking! I have got to find another outlet for that.

I'm mad, no disappointed, in myself for letting things get out of control again. I miss the feeling of being in control that I had. I miss going shopping because the clothes I had were too big! I hate that I'm now having to pull out clothes that I had set aside because they were too big for me before.

The biggest thing I lost was my motivation. I just didn't care. No, that's not true. I did care, I just didn't have the ability to follow through.

I'm trying to make a fresh start for 2010. Based just on the last two days, I'm doing quite well. I just have to find a way to bottle up my motivation and discipline to carry me through the days when I'd rather just sit around and eat candy or cookies.

I don't want to go back to where I was. I don't want to have to buy clothes in bigger sizes - sizes that I already passed on the way down.

So, since this is my blog, and it's pretty much a snapshot of what's going on in my life at this particular time, I wanted to write all of this down. It's been helpful for me to look back at my previous posts from when I was doing really well and remember with clarity what was going on then. I'm hoping that this will be a post that will help me to move forward.


David said...

I'm glad to see you making a fresh start. Let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help.

Mom (Suzie) said...

Me too! Meaning I need help, too! And also offer help! Our next weekend cooking marathon should be devoted to Weight Watchers (or otherwise lean, healthy dishes). I think the recipes and pictures would make an interesting post.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posted this, it is nice to know I am not the only one. I was told by my doctor to lose at least 20lbs. or she was going to put me on blood presure med. However, this does not seem to be enought motivation for me. It is really hard to break bad habits you have lived with for so long. Good luck with your goal and here to 2010, the year we both meet our weight loss goals.